Cn ace exclusion; ace hate; rape mention!
On twitter is currently (again) a discussion going on if asexuals and aromantics belong to the LGBT+ community. Other LGBT+ people think we don’t belong there because: “Aces never have been oppressed like we real lgbt people have been!”
- Being LGBT isn’t about oppression! It’s not a competition! It’s a community for people who are not cisgender and/or heteroromantic AND heterosexual!
- Asexuals and aromantics are (as the names already say) NOT heteroromantic and heterosexual! Therefor they are queer and belong into the LGBT+ community.
- The full acronym is LGBTQAP! L=lesbian. G=gay. B=bisexual. T=transgender. Q=queer (but also for questioning people). A=asexual and aromantic.P=pansexual!
See? We are already included in the acronym!
Now let’s talk about how “less” we are oppressed.
Between 12 and 17 I’ve been in hospital so I didn’t had a normal puberty as others. I couldn’t think about if my assigned gender matches me or who/if I was attracted to people. This only came from when I was 17. I soon noticed that instead of others my age, I had no interest into dating. It doesn’t make sense to me. But when I told this my friends or family, I constantly been told that I was “a late bloomer” and that I was “just shy”. Since I didn’t know that something like asexuality and aromanticism exist, I then tried dating. I thought, “Maybe the feelings come later.” This was dangerous. My first boyfriend raped me, and I needed 15(!) years to understand it was rape. I thought that this was how sex feels for everyone. That every woman just endures it and actually didn’t like it, but that it was a requirement in a relationship. I’ve even been told by other women that I “just need more experiences” or that “he wasn’t the right one”. But I didn’t want to make more experiences or dating someone else. But I did. Because I wanted to be normal, because I thought if I just try hard enough, I will learn it.
This has damaged me long term. In fact, asexuals have the highest rate to receive corrective rape! (Along with afab enbys I think).
When I was in my 20s and finally found out that asexuality and aromanticism existed, I was afraid to come out. I was afraid that people will see me as sick, because “everyone has sexual feelings”. That I would be send to a doctor, and that they would force me on medication or through therapies to “cure my sexual trauma”. Because in this society it is seen as not normal to not be sexually attracted to anyone. That this something to “fix”. That people who are not attracted must be depressed and suffer.
You know who else was (and still is) seen like this? Every other LGBT+ people! There are still conversion therapies to try to change gay and trans people! There are still doctors who want to prescribe medications to turn people straight!
So tell me again how asexuals and aromantics are not oppressed and don’t belong to the LGBTQA community! If you still think so, you are not better than the cisallohets who have oppressed YOU all your life! Don’t become an oppressor!