“You were so pretty before transition” isn’t a compliment!

Dear cis people,
Calling a transgender person’s before transition self pretty, beautiful or whatever is not a compliment! They hated their old self because it was something they are not. This can trigger dysphoria and severe depression.
Me personally, it makes me feel like a failure. When you say “but you were such a beautiful girl!” it translates to me “why have you wasted yourself?” “You should have tried harder to be a girl!” “I don’t care, you hated yourself. You should have appreciated it.”
15 years of my life I was this told day by day. That I should be happy to look like I did. That other women were jealous and “wished I looked like you”. That I was only depressed because “You never tried to be a real girl!” No, it’s not a fucking compliment! I don’t want to be reminded on my old self. It was so damn hard to break through that. To allow myself to be my real me. I know how sexy and beautiful I was. But this was not me! I wasn’t a girl. As much as you think I looked like one. I wasn’t a girl. Everytime I heard those “compliments” I got sad, depressed and started doubting myself. Maybe I really should try harder? Maybe I will get used to it? Maybe everyone is right and my feelings are wrong? Maybe I’m just crazy? It has almost killed me. The beginning to let my true self come out was damn hard. You can read my journey on this blog. I first came out as genderfluid because I was scared. Scared to let the girl I never was go. Scared to let my masculine side show through. I needed many months of screaming, crying and mourning about my old self. I know some people don’t like the metapher but for me it fits. This girl had to die so I could be me. I was mourning about her lost. But I needed this. I needed to say goodbye to my old self so I finally could be free. So no, I don’t want to hear how “pretty” I was. It throws me right back into the misery I was stuck for 15 years desperately trying to be the “beautiful girl” everyone saw in me. It wasn’t me!


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