Barriers

Today on my way to physiotherapy I came across a barrier in my way. Roadworks were stopping me from walking my usual way to physiotherapy.

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For a non-autistic person this would be not a big deal. But for me, it means stress.
Now I had a problem. I stopped and started to think about how to solve it. It was sure, I had to take a different path. But this costs a lot of power for me. Because every little action I’m doing, I have to plan. Have to go through and play it through in my head before I do it. So I had to go through the exact way that I have to go now. Walked it through in my head before I started to follow my thoughts. I walked very slowly, making sure I used the correct path. Stopped when I crossed the street, looking for cars. More stress, more power needed. While doing this, I also had to remind myself constantly that I needed to buy something after physiotherapy that I should not forget about. My head was already full of informations that I had to process.
Small talking at the physiotherapy and concentrating on the exercise.
โ€œDon’t forget to buy your things afterwards! Oh, and you need to make new appointments!โ€ Breathe and exercise.

This is how I have to do all tasks I’m doing. It starts in the morning with washing my face and brushing my teeth, with putting on clothes and so on. If I don’t strictly focus on what I’m doing, I get confused. Non-autistic people do this automatically, they do not have to think about every small step they do. But for me it’s necessary.
Often I found myself in the kitchen instead of the bathroom, just because I didn’t really focussed and my brain did a jump to a different thing I wanted to do later.
That’s what my every day life looks like. And that’s why I often, better say always, listen to music. The right song with the right beat can help me concentrate.

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