Life updates

Dear diary,

lately in much stress here. Now after my name and gender change I have to run to all the offices to get my papers changed. Also now I finally can start applications for new things. Next week I got an appointment to open a bank account for me. Yes, I didn’t had an own bank account. To this day my mum was managing and still do all my financies. I never could deal with numbers. I have troubles to understand the working with money. Like I can’t plan who much I need for a week. So I don’t know how much money I have and how much I have to pay for bills, so I can’t count how much I have back then to live.
But now I finally want to start this together with my mum.

Another thing I did, was filling out an application for personal budget. That is support money that I can use for helpful things that should make my every day life easier. I’m planning on to hire an assistance who helps me with grocery shopping, my household and takes me to doctors appointments and social help and stuff. Until now my mum does this all for me. She also helps me to use public transportation since due to my disability I need help to enter/leave train, bus etc, and also helps me if there come sudden changes into public transportation. In this situation I’m lost without help, because my brain just get into shutdown mode.

So for this I had an appointment with a doctor from social help who should check what help I need. He was totally ignorant and incompetent. We brought all my medical reports, he knew I get permanent invalid pension and that I take strong painkiller for my chronic pain. So, nevertherless he told us that he “doesn’t understand” how I can’t do my household and all. I even had to tell him my daily routine where I told him about intense pain and the rest I need even if I don’t leave my home.
His assistant was not even better. She kept asking why I don’t go to therapy in autism center to “learn” how to do my household. Not even that she completely ignored all my disabilities, she really insisited that my autism would be treatable! My mum and me told them that we were at the autism center the counselor has sent us to the autism assistance because this is what we needed. The only “therapy” they do there is for socializing, like how to begin a talk, keep it up and become friends and so on. And I can do that pretty well. At least online ;)In the end she looked up a therapy and diagnosis from 10 years ago, social phobia. I then told her that it doesn’t matter because it was a misdiagnose what was refuted by the new autism diagnosis. She then said “Social phobia, autism, whatever you call it, it’s just a diagnosis.” I almost forgot myself! That she doesn’t know the difference made me so mad! Social Phobia is acquired and treatable whereas one is born with autism and it’s treatable!

The doctor also asked me about my transgender therapy I’m still doing. I don’t know what this has to do with that I need an every day life support? In the end he wanted to do a medical examination on me what I refused because I think from the medical reports, my personal description of the symptoms my disabilities and what I’m struggling with, should have been enough. Also I had the feeling he only wanted to see a transgender body.
He was a very unsympathetic person…

You see, I have a lot of stress here and have to fight again for my needs. Why does they make it so hard for people with disabilities to get them the support they need to have a lifeworthing life? Life is already short enough, especially for chronic ill people, so why do they make it even harder?



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