Swimming part 2

So the summer is back in Germany. And with it the desire to want to go swimming. Sadly I haven’t made it yet. I wish I could say it was because of my disease and the chronic pain that kept me in bed for several days. Or the stress with changing all the papers after my name/gender change, but to be honestly, I scare to go swimming. I scare because my body doesn’t look “cis-appropriate”. I’m afraid to get stared at, to get insulted, harrassed. With words but also physically. I’m scared I will get misgendered, called a girl or to hear that “this dude has tits like a girl”. And Now I wonder if this is how cis-men with gynecomastia feel like…

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Swimming shorts pic. 1 year 1 month 24 days on T

I’d loved to go to the Havel swimming, but I don’t dare. I know that they are swimming shirts for trans-people like me, but I don’t see why I should need to cover up and hide my body when actually nothing is wrong with it? It’s society that has a problem with people who do not look “appropriate”. That kinda feels like fat-shaming for me. Like bigger people are told they should not wear a bikini/go to the lake because society thinks it looks disgusting.

So what can I do to solve my problem? Working on my self-esteem I think.
I think, it would be much easier for me if I would have a bunch of friends in my back who would strengthen me if anyone says something about my chest to me. But unfortunately I’m all alone here…

I talked about swimming and my chest “problems” here as well: Swimming as Transgender
Fight for your right to be shirtless

 

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