Happy 10 months on T to me!!! Can’t believe it’s already that long! It feels like my second birthday and I know I’m definitely going to celebrate my 1 year anniversary in two months! 😀
So, what has changed since I started medically transition? I’m trying to think about a ranking but the changes are all so awesome that I can’t decide what I love the most 😀
My whole life I struggled with underweight, because of testosterone I gained 15kg and have a normal weight for the first time in my life. I love the facial changes, the body hair, the breaking voice that makes me sound like a 16 years old 😀 Yes, Luka is totally enjoying puberty! I didn’t know that male puberty is that much fun!
There is this rumour that HRT (hormone replacement therapy) can change someones personality or sexuality. I highly doubt that! Yes, I do feel stronger, energetic and self-confident, but I’m still the same person as before. Only thing that changed is that I’m not so insecure and shy no more and I will now stand up for myself and say when something annoys me. It can be misinterpreted as coming of rude, but I think most people who knew me before are just surprised that I now tell my opinion on things.
Let’s talk about sex, baby!
I don’t think that testosterone has changed my sexual orientation. Before I identified as asexual, because getting touched in a sexual way made me want to puke. I never had any sexual feelings for a person. I only did get intimate with my ex-boyfriends because society told me that this is normal behaviour and that everyone does it.
When walking down the streets, I never randomly felt attracted so someone or thought “I’d like you to fuck me.” Now I started to notice that I sometimes look after boys. Suddenly I start to experience sexual attraction, and it is weird! Once when I was watching TV, there was a guy on the screen and I got a weird feeling in my tummy like thousands butterflies. I never felt anything like this before. I stopped and thought about what that odd feeling was, and then I realized “Oh, I think he’s good looking.”
Situations like this still come super rarely, so I’m not sure about my sexual orientation yet. But that’s okay. I do not need a label for everything 🙂
Since my body has changed so much and I do feel now perfect with it, I even can imagine myself being in a relationship with another man again. Don’t get me wrong, I am still aromantic. I won’t fall in love or get a desire to do romantic things with my partner. The “usual” from society shown model of a romantic relationship is not for me. I won’t get married, having children, growing old together, move in and so on. But I do think about a queerplatonic relationship. This model sounds very interesting and comfortable to me.
like fuck buddies who care about each other more than they do their other friends but not in a romantic way
Although I think it can get difficult to find someone who understands this concept. But I’m not actively looking. If there comes someone into my life fine, if not, also fine 🙂
Because pictures speak more than words, here a comparison pic of me shirtless pre-t and now. When I saw this, I got tears into my eyes. Couldn’t believe this handsome dude was me. It’s fantastic feeling! 😀