Today I met my therapist again. We talked about my hospital trauma and made a plan on how to work on it. My job is it to make an appointment with the surgeon in Berlin in the next months. I’m sure it will help me to reduce my anxiety when I talked with her and know what she exactly will do with my chest. I should make myself a list with question for her.
Also we want to go together into the hospital, to see how I’m feeling on this place and to get to know the station, doctors, nurses and so on. My therapist got the idea, to put a bottle of disinfectant at my home, so I can get used to the scent and learn that it’s nothing dangerous and bad. I need to cut the former connection with this scent. Hospital, anxiety, sick, dangerous, bad people…
I think it’s a good plan. We will do this in baby-steps, so I won’t get overwhelmed. That’s pretty fine, since I still have 7 months of therapy before I’m allowed to get surgeries.
That I will get top-surgery seems so unreal. I remember when I was a teenager from 14/15 years, I was longing for to get my flat chest back from when I was little so I can go swimming shirtless and in shorts again, like I did when I was a kid.