Just got back from my 2nd endocrinologist appointment.
She asked me how I’m doing and told me that my blood test results pre T were fine. We took another time blood and in 10 days I should get the results and know how my testosterone levels is.
My mum then asked about some worries because my one aunt had breast cancer some years ago and it came back this year. Also another aunt of me got now the results that she has the same kind of breast cancer like her sister.
So my mum got worried for her and me if we have a higher risk of breast cancer. For me, we didn’t get a straight answer because the endo thought that I surely want top surgery. I then again told her that I’m not planning to have any surgeries due to the hospital trauma when I was a kid. But now, with that news, I start to think about it. I mean, to face my trauma and get top surgery would be the lesser evil than to perhaps get breast cancer in 10 or 20 years.
We shortly talked about this and then the endo said “Maybe if you’ve done this, you will get the courage to do the other sex reassignment surgeries. I know there are a lot of very good surgeons out there who make very good results.” I was like, ehm, but I don’t want any surgeries. I think, I’m the first trans guy there who doesn’t have a huge problem with his body and wants all surgeries so badly 😀
That I don’t have a big problem with my body, is because I never have seen it as female. When I was very little and realised that I don’t feel like a girl, but was told I can’t be a boy, I was like “Okay, then I have no gender.” I still feel that way. It’s like my body has no gender but my soul is male. I don’t know if this makes any sense to anybody. That’s not important. It makes sense to me 🙂
About the option of having top surgery I will talk with my therapist on Wednesday. Maybe he can help me to clear my thoughts and fears..