First step into a better life

Dear diary,

today I made a big step into a better life for me. I had my first appointment with a transgender therapist. Since I couldn’t find one who is experienced with transgender people, I had to got to Berlin, which is one hour away from my home. But I think it’s worth to travel that far.

In Germany, you need to go to therapy for 18 months; after 6 month you are allowed to start with hormone replacement therapy. After those 18 months you are allowed to do the surgeries you want.

The appointment I made via email because I have difficulties with speaking on the phone. This wasn’t a problem at all. The therapists was very courteous. Another reason why I have choosen him, is that he is trans man himself, so he’s been through everything I still have in front of me.

The conversation went 50min. and I felt immediately comfortable. He was very kind and calm, asked me first why I come there. I told him that I’m out for 5 months now and ready to take the first step towards the real me. He then asked me if I have any problems what I want to work on or if I’m only here to bring around the time that I can start with Testosterone. I told him about my social anxiety and also that I’m currently get tested for autism. That I want to become more self-confident in my identity and to get over my insecurities in social contact with men. (I still have the fear that I’m not taken seriously as man from cis-guys and that they think I’m “just a weird girl who tries to be like a man”.)

Next week I have the next appointment. At first I only get 4 appointments, to find out if we are compatible and if I want to do this therapy with him. After this time, there will be a 4 weeks long break where he sends a request for cost coverage to my insurance and if they say “yes” I can start therapy.

It’s a long way but I already did the biggest step: I’ve found a therapist, made an appointment and was there. I’m looking forward to next week when we will really start.

As he told me: “We will make it.”

Luka

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