Since I was a kid I hated it when people took photos of me. When I looked at those photos later I always had the feeling “I know that this is me, but it doesn’t look like me.” I couldn’t tell what would have looked like me.
When I now look into the mirror, wearing my beard make up and style my hair, I finally have the feeling of “Yeah, that does look like me.”
I know that I will need years to be mentally strong enough to start with T and and get my surgeries done but, I do it one step at a time.
In September I had my last relapse on self-harm, in November I wanted to kill myself because I thought I could never accept me for the man I am. Now, in January I like it to look at my selfies, and to look into the mirror in the morning and to say “Hey handsome”, because I can recognize myself.
But I see that my depression got a little better. I still have deep moments but they aren’t so bad as before. Also the urge to cut myself is gotten much better. I still think of it when the depression and dysphoria hits me but I can handle it now.
It can only get better, right? 😉