Past and future dreams

I realized how unhealthy my last relationship really was. I stopped writing, wasn’t going out to enjoy the nature anymore, tried to be more feminine for him. I have had totally slandered myself.
Now, I’m on the same level as I was before I met him: in my early 20’s. But I’m more far now.
Back to the 20’s and now start again to be myself. My really self – Luka

But it was not all bad about this time. If I wouldn’t have gone through it, I might still lie to myself. With all that bad stuff happened to me in the past, I discovered more and more about myself. I’ve found out what I am not.
With every little baby-step towards the male side, I become more comfortable. I gain strength and self-confidence.
I now have more courage to travel. To live the life I want to live.

I start to remember what was my all life dream when I was a kid, a young teenager: I wanted to travel. My destination was always Finland. I dreamed of a little cottage in the woods, with a pack of dogs as my only companions.
And I wanted to write. I dreamed about writing adventures, novels and to publish them.

A part of this “childhood-dream” I made already true. I published a book of poetry and I was in Helsinki a few times.
I still miss the house in the nature and the pack of dogs but I’m still young and my dreams are colorful again. I thought I can never travel on my own, because of my disabled leg and the weakness that comes with my tumor disease. But I’ve proved to me that I was wrong.

The next months I will work on my mental health, to become strong again. Then I hope I’m strong enough for the transition, and when I’m finally the person I want to be, I will go on with working that this dreams becomes true too.


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