“Are you anorexic?”

Today I want to talk about another side effect what comes with my lymphangioma. The tumours are set in my intestine, spleen and liver, so they are affecting my eating habits unfortunately. As long as I can think, I always had a hard time with eating. Many food I didn’t liked for reasons. Maybe I didn’t like how it looked like, or it smelled weird or tastes awful. Many food was just making me feel sick. Really sick. I got nausea and cramps, and sometimes I even vomited.
I grew up being a vegetarian, because meat was making me sick. Since my childhood I’m underweight but I can’t help it. Not only that I have problems to eat specific food, it’s also that I can’t eat a regular portion of food. When I was young, everybody told me and my mum that I was eating too little. I tried to eat more but it ended with stomach cramps and nausea. So I learned to take care of what I eat and how much I eat.
In my teenager years I had severe depression and was sent to many psychologists, they saw my underweight and asked me if I “make sure what I eat”. I said, “yes of course” and explained my tumour disease but I always ended up with them thinking I have an eating disorder. I don’t. I hate being that much underweight. I wish, I could what I want and how much I want. But I can’t. It is frustrating to hear from all sides “You need to eat more!”, “You are anorexic!”, “You only feel that bad because you haven’t eaten!” Even if some people mean it friendly, it’s annoying! I do every day the best I can to keep myself healthy and fit. But the truth is, the most days of the year I feel sick from the tumours, with cramps and I just can’t eat. I’m very glad about every day when I can eat almost “normal”. Like everyone else. Just eat without feeling sick after it because I’ve eaten too much at once. But truly, those days are very, very rarely. It’s an everyday struggle to even have breakfast and lunch. I can’t help it. I have to live after my body, after my disease.

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