Poetry – balsam for the soul

Today I want to tell you more about how I became a writer and what writing and music means to me.

It all started when I teached myself reading in the age of 3 or 4. Books only made from pictures bored me and I wanted to read books for “big children”. So I took one from my older brother and tried to put the strange symbols known as letters into something that made sense to me. Soon after I teached myself writing. Of course I was bored when I started with school, knew everything already.

When I was 8 I wrote my very first poem. My mum liked it so much that she told me I should show this poem to my teacher, who really liked it too so I had to read it loud in front of the whole class. I was so damn nervous! Haven’t I never paid attention to other kids or people in general. (But this is a different story and I will tell another time.) But the kids liked it, I got my first applause. What a feeling! I was so damn proud and decided I wanted to be a writer!

Through the following years I was writing a lot. Mostly stories about vampires and other dark and gloomy things. (Yes, I always had, and still have, a tendency to dark, melancholical things.) The problem with writing stories was that I never could find an end. Either I had no idea how to end the story or I had so many ideas that I couldn’t stop writing! In addition to writing stories I still wrote poems as well. But they were very unfinished and “chaotic”. I had no structure in it. I hadn’t found my style yet, hadn’t found me yet.

Then, when I was in hospital, my cousin came to visit me and she had a gift for me: a CD from a finnish band called HIM. Scannen0018Greatest Lovesongs 001

I was tired, couldn’t walk or even focus on reading or the TV. So what I did? I put the CD into my CD-Player, earphones into my ears and started to listen.
Immediately I got a familiar feeling, as if I heard those tunes once before, what was impossible since the album was just released.
I was there in my hospital bed, day on day, and kept listen to the unknown man with the lovely voice. When I got better I finally had a look into the booklet to read the lyrics of each song. I wanted to understand them better, to analyse them. Ville Valo, so the name of the owner with this gorgeous voice, his lyrics gave me the feeling of understanding. How he described the emotions of love, life and death. Melancholical and beautiful. With Ville I decided to focus more on poetry. I wanted to create such dark and gloomy but still so powerful and touching lyrics like he does.

I started to write for myself. I cried out myself on the paper with his dark, melodic voice in my ears. I wasn’t thinking on publishing those poems, were there too depressing to read. Also I thought that no one will ever be interested to read stuff like this. I didn’t believe they might be good, worth reading. But one night I met someone who told me different. He encouraged me to think about not only to write for myself, to share my “Gothic-Poetry” with others.

Writing is a kind of self-therapy for me. It’s a possibility to vent and to encourage myself to never give up. I’ve worked hard to come that far. I made my dreams true. (Still have some left.) Like one of my favourite musicians always says: “Living the dream!

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